Live… love life!

Posts tagged ‘commitment’

Despicable in-Laws

It is a common conception that the most basic responsibility of parents over their children is to feed, give shelter, clothe and educate them. If a couple is not ready to commit themselves to these responsibilities they are not fit to have children.

It is a natural instinct for a responsible parent to want to be able to give their children a good future and a better life and work hard to be able to do so. It is great pride to themselves when they grow old to see that their children has succeeded and have good lives and raise a family of their own. There is no greater joy for parents to see that their sacrifices has not been is vain.

Raising children, giving them a good life and providing them with the opportunity to get good education even if it means great sacrifice for parents are most commendable from outsiders perspective. Although it is part of the basic parental responsibilities not everyone is able to live up to it. Many factors affect some parents inability to give their children a good life to prepare them to a tougher life when they grow older. In such cases, the children themselves when raised responsibly, finds ways to get themselves educated dreaming of one day giving their families a better life.

We cannot deny the fact that as some parents sends their children to college doing everything in their power to have them complete a degree there is a hint of hope that once their children graduates and gets employed their lives would change and some of load of financial responsibilities will be taken off their shoulders. Responsible children does nothing less than to give back to show appreciation of their parents love and sacrifices so that they can have a good life. It becomes a different story though when parents make their children’s education an investment that they can collect in the old age expecting to be given a grand life with limitless cash return because the children owes them everything that they have and what they are. As if their children does not have the right to have a family of their own if the partner in life they will choose has no capacity to give the the grand life and unlimited cash supply that they expect.

If the children does not live up to the the success story the parents tried to design them to be when they sent them to the best schools, had them take piano lessons and all, then other ways needs to be devised in the hope that the children would give them back what is owed for their great sacrifices. Here is where family values are wasted. In the act of desperation in order to have one child give them money to be able to do the things they want and buy the things they want, which most of the time does not even need, every sibling has to look bad and be the worst villain to each others eyes to gain sympathy and ensure that they do not talk to each other and know what’s really going on. The worst victims in this scenario are the in-laws who are transformed to a gold digging bitch and an abusive gambling addict husband who takes all their children’s earnings and gives it away to the in-laws family.

When you find yourself in this position it takes remarkable patience and great love for your spouse to maintain the level of parental respect and be civil with your in-laws as part of your individual responsibility as a good spouse. No matter how badly we are being esteemed or bad mouthed we have to keep in mind that our in-laws actions are only reflections of what they are. Nobody knows us better that our spouses and they would not decide to stay with us if they do not like what they see in us. Yes it does hurt and makes us swear  just thinking about them, but we should not make it affect our lives and worse break our marriage. It


The Odds in Picking A Winning Life Partner

Almost all romantic relationships starts out in a simple date, then just enough time in the getting to know each other stage. Some gets to the ’til death do us part moment but most dies out just as easy as it all started. The mystery of how we get to decide whether to take our relationships to the next level would be a lifetime of a guesswork. We do try to justify our decisions by saying things like; we compliment each others characteristics or personality, he or she understands me more than anyone else does, he or she is the most beautiful, kindhearted, caring person I have ever met… STOP right there! We may think of the perfect features that we could attribute to the person we choose to love, but at the end of the day, we would realize that there is no perfect person really… not even we can become the perfect person our partners may say we are in our most intimate moment.

I’ve met a few guys before my husband and dated some of them. There were at least three guys of whom I thought would be good to have for a lifetime partner. Although I didn’t have a relationship with two of  the three guys, why did I think that they’d be good husbands? I’m more of an intuitive person, and my first encounter with a person is always the determinant whether the person is within or outside my sphere. There it is!

In choosing a partner, only we have the hands on who we may think will be good for us, except for those who have been destined to marry a particular person due to a strong cultural influence that limits their choices in making that decision for themselves. Now, if we think back to the time when we meet the right person, what is the first thing that comes into our mind?

What are the Odds in Picking the Right Person…

Romantic beings that we are, we all believe that the only thing that would make us happy for life is finding and marrying the person that we love. The question that will remain unanswered is how do we come to love someone. If we can answer that question then we can also tell how we may unlove someone.

I myself do not believe in love at first sight and I think the person who believes that there is such thing as that has an emotional imbalance. It is a terrible thing to mistake intuition with strong feeling of love. Even worse, to rely on the first impression in committing ourselves to someone. If love at first sight  is true then, I should have heard stories of people marrying on their first meeting. By far, I haven’t. So… I may be right at some degree.

Let’s discuss why I thought the two guys (one of the I met only three times in a school seminar) I haven’t had relationship with would be good to have for a husband. As I’ve mentioned earlier, I am a particularly intuitive person. I use that intuition in   determining people’ s characters and measuring their personality based on what they say, how they say the words, the gestures… eye contact is the key determinant of a person’s sincerity. Being able to look you in the eye does not guarantee that a person is being completely honest with you. Earnestness cannot be faked, dishonesty has a very distinct way in showing itself even on those who have tried mastering the art of treachery.  The trick is to believe what the person says and be (very) observant of his or her actions (if it measures up to your first impression of him or her) if you ever decide to take a simple date into the next level. Awareness and objectivity is the key here. We cannot make a mistake in choosing the right person because at the end of the day, it’s only gonna be you who would either suffer or enjoy the consequence of that one big decision you made for yourself.

Keeping The Flame of Love On

Loving someone and receiving the same degree of affection and love from the one that we love is the best, among other things, that we could get in life. But not everyday is paradise in real life. The good days are cherished and the bad days we try to forget.

In relationships, keeping  the love alive requires time, attention and the willingness to compromise. Every normal relationship starts out with two people who couldn’t get enough of each other. Theoretically speaking,  when we enter into a relationship, we commit ourselves to the one we have a relationship with. Dating gives us time to know each other, sort of testing the water before we take the plunge. This stage of our relationship would give us the necessary facts that we would need to confirm whether the relationship with the person we are involved with is meant to last. I am not entirely an extrovert but I guess living together for sometime would give us a chance to measure each others threshold on menial things. The challenges of daily domestic life  is  the ultimate test of a romantic relationship. It is likely that when we first fell in love we saw only the best about our partner and focused on how wonderful they are. Living together will let us see the not best side of each other. If we get past that, then we are ready to go!

It is easier said than done to say that we should look only at the best about our partner and focus on how wonderful they are, but at some level we should maintain that level of affection to be able to tolerate each others imperfections. A word of caution, however in-love we think we are, if there are other things we find more important to us than our commitment to our partner, we should think twice about getting married. Transforming two personalities into one working relationship requires a great deal of compromise, the level of compromise that is fueled by respect.

The true measure of love is the level of respect we give to each other. It is the basic foundation that will hold our relationships only until we choose to hold on to it.